Okay, actually I intended to update like super regularly, but whenever there's a week/consecutive days of trainings, I just do not use the computer.
AT ALL.
Am I weird or weird?
Yeapps, so let's just do a review.
(I'm supposed to go for extra gym session with HuiShan, Cy, Sandy & G, but well...I guess I'm gonna be late.)
The Saturday after food poisoning (26 Dec) was a cui day for Sandy and I.
I felt super unwell and weak.
:/
BUT THERE WAS A TIME TRIAL.
AND LO & BEHOLD, we broke a record.
13 minutes for 2km!
WTH!
It shocked the both of us to the max.
It slowness to the extreme laaaa.
Hahahah!
But well, we'll strive to do better! :D
However, personally felt the next few days were still bad.
):
It felt like she and I had peaked and is now dropping!
Gawd, no!
Went onto the K4 on 30th Dec; it was quite stable.
I think the arrangement surprised a lot of people and affected some.
As in, naturally assumptions are made that Rach, Cy, Xf, LimMin and G will be the ones trying K4.
Since Rach was on hols and LimMin finally returned, it's natural that they should be the one going on to k4.
& I have never thought that I would be given the chance.
The sudden change of people inevitably affected the people who were taken off the craft.
How can it not?
After training that day, I was pondering.
If it makes more people happy and less being affected, I rather not be on the k4.
I don't understand the honour, glory, privilege and exclusiveness of teh craft.
To me, it's just another craft, another boat to try.
To be given a change to try it, I'm gratified.
But if others really want to be on the craft, I don't mind not being on it since I've already tried it.
But life doesn't work this way.
And I, or rather all of us, can't have a say in such matters.
Following which, a few trainings later (on Monday), Cy, Sandy, Xf and I were put onto a K4 again for a short while after K2 training.
That day was extremely unstable and bad.
Moreover, others were not informed of a K4 training except the 4 of us.
Surprise and awkwardness happened again.
Sigh, I really don't like it.
):
I don't like it when team mates get affected over boat arrangements.
And it's a really awkward position to be in 'cause you "substituted" them.
:/
Sometimes, I think that coaches ought to explain their rationale behind their decisions.
We can't help being affected.
We can't help it if we are too weak/slow to catch your attention.
But all of your decisions and neglect affect us so.
):
Sigh.
The next day (Tuesday), there was again a new combination.
& that day, Rach, Cy, Sandy and I did K4 for the entire training.
It was the most stable K4 I've been, and according to Rach, hers too.
But ya, whenever there's a new combination of K4 and I'm included I feel very strange and I really don't know how to react.
SIGH SIGH SIGH.
On Wednesday, the combination was repeated again.
Training was rather good that day!
Stability was there, but I think we still need to work it out within ourselves.
There was serious jerking motions when we tried to do hard paddling and that totally freaks me out.
):
Ya, and to me, the difficulty level of K4 dawned on me.
It is not only super unstable, it also tests the patience of all 4 crew members.
& it's so much easier to be on a K2 as communication is more or less allowed.
But it's really hard on a k4.
:/
Yesterday, went on a k1 'cause Sandy went physio!!
It was rather fine for my third attempt.
:D
Could do harder paddling but still feel quite comfy in it.
Sigh, solo boats and crew boats are so different!!!
Long-d on solo boats will really kill you off man.
The loneliness is suddenly so strange to me.
I've kind of forgotten it since I've gotten off the T1.
:/
Grahhhh!
Really admire Rach and Yix!
& I can't believe I was not affected by this feeling when I was on T1 last time!
SO UNBELIEVABLE!
Competed with Rach for a 10 min hard paddling under Yosef's eyes.
Somehow got the feeling that I might be transferred over to K1 'cause I beat her.
Till now, I totally have no preference over what boat to take because I feel that each (k1,2 or 4) are so different and there's just pros and cons for each.
But I would like to take a solo even and a crew event cause the feeling is just so different!
(:
Whenever on a crew boat, I'm always the backman, so I feel less in control of the boat.
Like you can't set the frequency, nor can you change to direction.
Yeapps, but the feeling of companionship is really nice can!
Hahahahaha!
I think I'm really falling in love with canoeing.
:D
It's really a beauty!
.
Recently, (after camp), I feel that I'm closer to the general team, and I really enjoy the feeling a lot.
As in, I really understand now, that to be accepted, you must be accepting.
Everyone is truly unique and special and I can't believe how foolish I have been.
Even when Nats isn't over, I can feel that I'll miss them super much when everything ends.
:(
But ah, I HAVE A PROMISE TO MAKE.
I SHALL BE NICER TO HER.
Just because, I feel that I've been unaccepting.
and because I think she needs all the support she can get.
She has been strong this far, but people do give up when the going gets too tough.
And the team will never be whole without her.
Though I feel that the situation is super unfair to her, I can't do anything at all.
But to be a friend.
.
OKAY. GOT TO GO GYMMMMMMM!
TRY TO NOT BE TOO LATE!.
hahahah!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Friday, December 25, 2009
Take a Deep Breath.
& here I go.
I am ready to stride forward onto my journey towards Nationals 2010.
How much am I prepared to give?
My all.
I want no regrets.
And I want to record every minute details that happened in this last 4 months, or rather 3 plus months.
Time flies really quickly.
& I haven't been recording every single little things as I should, but I will from now on.
Since the camp, I've been giving in my best (which varies due to many factors) when I trained at Kallang.
I really love being at Kallang.
It's just so different from MacRitchie.
It may be the different programs, but I feel that it may be due to the fact that there was a relatively good start - the camp, which all of us was mentally prepared for the toughness.
So there was minimal slacking within the girls.
To say the least, I'm really proud of them.
Many of us have injuries, but do persevere on.
& Georgi is really getting stronger!
I'm so glad for her!
It's so exhilarating when you put your heart to train and results show!
I want to get stronger.
Yosef said I'm strong, but I should be the strongest in the team.
So I shall strive for that and because I know that I can be stronger than present.
& I need to be stronger than present.
Mental note: Don't limit yourself to the coaches' program. Learn from Rachel.
Sometimes, I'm really in awe how Rachel can be so self-motivated to do so much more than us.
Though of course she knows that she stronger than us but she does not stop there.
She still push herself.
:D
So, TOH JIA LE, let's do EXTRAS k?
(:
And I need to get a better stamina.
Sigh, I've been procrastinating since forever.
But recently, I finally got a slight glimpse of my old love for running back.
I know deep down that my weakest point is stamina, so I should work on it ya?
:D
I MUST.
Gogogogogogogo!
For this to work I must really start being darn driven and determined else my lazy ass will just not move!
Hahha, summary since camp:
Was on a t1 for very very very long.
There was a period filled with self-doubts till I finally got enlightened by Chuinyin that I might be competing in T1-500m.
And, yes, just before promos, Haoxia told Yix and I that we'll be representing the team in that event.
Since promos, things changed.
We became one team with the guys, under Markcus, Kaiwen, Fiona & Yosef.
Markcus:
When Yix and I were on a T1, we always felt that he don't really care about us.
Hahahahahah!
But he's really nice to the girls as compared to the guys!
:D
I like training under him, 'cause he pushes us all.
What more with the guys for us to pace (or rather maintain the gap).
KaiWen & Fiona:
Love it that they're being so involved in our training than before!
But Fiona is fierce on water!
Hahahahah!
Not that it's bad, but I think the girls all fear her more than any other coaches :D
Yosef:
He just a nice guy who encourages us to do the right things.
:D
BUT I MISS HX LEYYYYYYY!
Can't say I prefer training under who, 'cause it's like, it's different!
Who knows what Haoxia would be doing to us if he had stayed on!
:D
Yeapps, and then suddenly I got put on the k1, which really astounded me.
As in, of course I'm happy, isn't that a goal for T1s hur.
But I didn't wish for it as keenly already, 'cause I have really started to developed an attachment to T1.
AND I ALREADY HAVE MY OWN BOAT.
MY WHITE SEAT.
Should have named it xiaobai, sounds so cute.
Hahahah!
Then the next day, another surprise came, k2 with Sandy.
To be frank, I think it's my own doing la, though I didn't know at first.
I casually chatted with Kaiwen during dinner and told her what Sandy told me, like she felt that she's not pushing herself as she keep having to do k1 hence cannot join team to do race sets.
So I guess, she took it in and put the both of us on k2.
LOL!
It started out okay.
Then it went downhill.
Felt that Sandy didn't trust me enough (on stability) and I couldn't bring myself to reassure her 'cause I didn't have enough confidence.
Then on the 2nd/3rd time, really could sense the frustration in Sandy which made me darn panicky.
):
Then I started to feel real dejected and really hate the feeling of having a partner.
Like got very very pressurized, 'cause it's like my every movement will cause a direct impact on her.
On top of that, I've never been on a crew boat.
It just scares the shit out of me k!
So I really wanted to get back onto a t1/k1!
LOL!
Hahaha, but oh wells, it's all events of yesterdays!
:D
Currently, I think the two of us are like adjusting fine.
And truth to be told I prefer k2 to t1.
(:
(Let me whisper an apology to Yix first...)
Sigh, but I think this is good for Yix and I ley.
Last time we two just keep pacing each other, and really compete with each other till one of us die.
So the frequency just keep increasing and increasing which is so not healthy on my (or rather, our biceps) and technique!
So it's good that one of us is out of the picture so both of us can train without being affected.
I remember there was a period I used to ask myself do i judge my day's performance on how hard I pushed or how much I overtook YiXian and vice versa.
It's like, my good day will naturally imply that she had a bad day and so on.
So it sucks, no?
& I guess I was still affected by the fateful Friday (the last time trail we had) when I cried while I paddled.
That was a darn bad and pathetic feeling can!
Like being cheated by the coaches, though they didn't.
But I really felt like I have no more strength to carry on but nothing seems to be going well.
Sniffling and swallowing your tears while trying your best to shave the few seconds off.
But again, it's hard to judge against timing 'cause the water condition & general fatigue level of the team is always so different.
Sigh, like now, we still compete between boat types.
That's why now I like it in the k2.
'Cause it's always Sandy controlling the pace.
& I just pull as hard as I can.
(Damn, I make myself sound like an idiot who just keep exerting force.)
But ya, crew boat is good cause we all learn from each others' mistakes!
Like when I'm supposed to nag Sandy, I will take note of her errors!
:D
Hahhaa!
Yeapps, but ah well, I suddenly reached mental block.
o.O
Let's move on to something random!
Had food poisoning on...MY BIRTHDAY.
Puke on the bus, with a plastic in hand 'cause Pat and I went shopping.
I think I puked the cake my team gave me, lunch, yogurt ice cream, and the weird mango thingy out.
EVERYTHING EATEN FROM 12-8PM.
Then I just went home to rest.
& had two more rounds of the have-to-puke-but-nothing-is-left-so-your-stomach-just-clench-and-clench-till-you-are-left-gasping-for-air-and-finally-a-few-drops-oozes-out puke from 9pm to 1am.
And that promptly started my high fever with my whole family sleeping and nobody caring.
LOL!
Then, woke at 5am.
(Oh well, the body is attuned to it already!)
Felt super sapped off energy and keep thinking whether or not to go for training 'cause it was supposed to be a hiong day and I want to chiong like shit before breaking for 2 days.
In the end I decided not to go 'cause I felt damn bad.
Fever for damn looooooooong, like one day without eating at all.
Attempted to and diarrhea.
TILL CHRISTMAS.
& LO AND BEHOLD I'M LIGHTER THAN 2KG HAHAHA!
WHO WANT TO HAVE FOOD POISONING NOW?!
ALL THE VAIN GIRLS IN THE WORLD.
Hahahahaha!
Guess what's the scary thought in my head during all these?
PRAYING THAT MU MUSCLES WON'T GET BURN AWAY.
I'm such a freak.
Okay, I got pray that some nerves don't get heated away 'cause I want to be smart enough to get through A levels, what more with the lack of studying.
:/
But ya know, they say if you constantly eat below 12oo kcal/day your body will sense that you're in starvation mode and will burn muscles instead of fats!
GOD, No!
I need my muscles.
Thank you very much.
Burn them all away after my nats (if I decide not to pursue a future in canoeing, that is)
Ya, I was traumatized with the thought that I was getting weaker by the day.
Yeapps! hahahahah!
OKAY! SO LET'S TEST THE STRENGTH AND RECOVERY LEVEL TOMORROW AT TRAINING!
WHoooooooosh!
Let's keep in mind:
Team goal: TOP 3/4/5
& I really want my own medal.
FOR ALL THE TIME I SACRIFICED.
I'm this fierce.
Only when you really want it, will you get it.
I am ready to stride forward onto my journey towards Nationals 2010.
How much am I prepared to give?
My all.
I want no regrets.
And I want to record every minute details that happened in this last 4 months, or rather 3 plus months.
Time flies really quickly.
& I haven't been recording every single little things as I should, but I will from now on.
Since the camp, I've been giving in my best (which varies due to many factors) when I trained at Kallang.
I really love being at Kallang.
It's just so different from MacRitchie.
It may be the different programs, but I feel that it may be due to the fact that there was a relatively good start - the camp, which all of us was mentally prepared for the toughness.
So there was minimal slacking within the girls.
To say the least, I'm really proud of them.
Many of us have injuries, but do persevere on.
& Georgi is really getting stronger!
I'm so glad for her!
It's so exhilarating when you put your heart to train and results show!
I want to get stronger.
Yosef said I'm strong, but I should be the strongest in the team.
So I shall strive for that and because I know that I can be stronger than present.
& I need to be stronger than present.
Mental note: Don't limit yourself to the coaches' program. Learn from Rachel.
Sometimes, I'm really in awe how Rachel can be so self-motivated to do so much more than us.
Though of course she knows that she stronger than us but she does not stop there.
She still push herself.
:D
So, TOH JIA LE, let's do EXTRAS k?
(:
And I need to get a better stamina.
Sigh, I've been procrastinating since forever.
But recently, I finally got a slight glimpse of my old love for running back.
I know deep down that my weakest point is stamina, so I should work on it ya?
:D
I MUST.
Gogogogogogogo!
For this to work I must really start being darn driven and determined else my lazy ass will just not move!
Hahha, summary since camp:
Was on a t1 for very very very long.
There was a period filled with self-doubts till I finally got enlightened by Chuinyin that I might be competing in T1-500m.
And, yes, just before promos, Haoxia told Yix and I that we'll be representing the team in that event.
Since promos, things changed.
We became one team with the guys, under Markcus, Kaiwen, Fiona & Yosef.
Markcus:
When Yix and I were on a T1, we always felt that he don't really care about us.
Hahahahahah!
But he's really nice to the girls as compared to the guys!
:D
I like training under him, 'cause he pushes us all.
What more with the guys for us to pace (or rather maintain the gap).
KaiWen & Fiona:
Love it that they're being so involved in our training than before!
But Fiona is fierce on water!
Hahahahah!
Not that it's bad, but I think the girls all fear her more than any other coaches :D
Yosef:
He just a nice guy who encourages us to do the right things.
:D
BUT I MISS HX LEYYYYYYY!
Can't say I prefer training under who, 'cause it's like, it's different!
Who knows what Haoxia would be doing to us if he had stayed on!
:D
Yeapps, and then suddenly I got put on the k1, which really astounded me.
As in, of course I'm happy, isn't that a goal for T1s hur.
But I didn't wish for it as keenly already, 'cause I have really started to developed an attachment to T1.
AND I ALREADY HAVE MY OWN BOAT.
MY WHITE SEAT.
Should have named it xiaobai, sounds so cute.
Hahahah!
Then the next day, another surprise came, k2 with Sandy.
To be frank, I think it's my own doing la, though I didn't know at first.
I casually chatted with Kaiwen during dinner and told her what Sandy told me, like she felt that she's not pushing herself as she keep having to do k1 hence cannot join team to do race sets.
So I guess, she took it in and put the both of us on k2.
LOL!
It started out okay.
Then it went downhill.
Felt that Sandy didn't trust me enough (on stability) and I couldn't bring myself to reassure her 'cause I didn't have enough confidence.
Then on the 2nd/3rd time, really could sense the frustration in Sandy which made me darn panicky.
):
Then I started to feel real dejected and really hate the feeling of having a partner.
Like got very very pressurized, 'cause it's like my every movement will cause a direct impact on her.
On top of that, I've never been on a crew boat.
It just scares the shit out of me k!
So I really wanted to get back onto a t1/k1!
LOL!
Hahaha, but oh wells, it's all events of yesterdays!
:D
Currently, I think the two of us are like adjusting fine.
And truth to be told I prefer k2 to t1.
(:
(Let me whisper an apology to Yix first...)
Sigh, but I think this is good for Yix and I ley.
Last time we two just keep pacing each other, and really compete with each other till one of us die.
So the frequency just keep increasing and increasing which is so not healthy on my (or rather, our biceps) and technique!
So it's good that one of us is out of the picture so both of us can train without being affected.
I remember there was a period I used to ask myself do i judge my day's performance on how hard I pushed or how much I overtook YiXian and vice versa.
It's like, my good day will naturally imply that she had a bad day and so on.
So it sucks, no?
& I guess I was still affected by the fateful Friday (the last time trail we had) when I cried while I paddled.
That was a darn bad and pathetic feeling can!
Like being cheated by the coaches, though they didn't.
But I really felt like I have no more strength to carry on but nothing seems to be going well.
Sniffling and swallowing your tears while trying your best to shave the few seconds off.
But again, it's hard to judge against timing 'cause the water condition & general fatigue level of the team is always so different.
Sigh, like now, we still compete between boat types.
That's why now I like it in the k2.
'Cause it's always Sandy controlling the pace.
& I just pull as hard as I can.
(Damn, I make myself sound like an idiot who just keep exerting force.)
But ya, crew boat is good cause we all learn from each others' mistakes!
Like when I'm supposed to nag Sandy, I will take note of her errors!
:D
Hahhaa!
Yeapps, but ah well, I suddenly reached mental block.
o.O
Let's move on to something random!
Had food poisoning on...MY BIRTHDAY.
Puke on the bus, with a plastic in hand 'cause Pat and I went shopping.
I think I puked the cake my team gave me, lunch, yogurt ice cream, and the weird mango thingy out.
EVERYTHING EATEN FROM 12-8PM.
Then I just went home to rest.
& had two more rounds of the have-to-puke-but-nothing-is-left-so-your-stomach-just-clench-and-clench-till-you-are-left-gasping-for-air-and-finally-a-few-drops-oozes-out puke from 9pm to 1am.
And that promptly started my high fever with my whole family sleeping and nobody caring.
LOL!
Then, woke at 5am.
(Oh well, the body is attuned to it already!)
Felt super sapped off energy and keep thinking whether or not to go for training 'cause it was supposed to be a hiong day and I want to chiong like shit before breaking for 2 days.
In the end I decided not to go 'cause I felt damn bad.
Fever for damn looooooooong, like one day without eating at all.
Attempted to and diarrhea.
TILL CHRISTMAS.
& LO AND BEHOLD I'M LIGHTER THAN 2KG HAHAHA!
WHO WANT TO HAVE FOOD POISONING NOW?!
ALL THE VAIN GIRLS IN THE WORLD.
Hahahahaha!
Guess what's the scary thought in my head during all these?
PRAYING THAT MU MUSCLES WON'T GET BURN AWAY.
I'm such a freak.
Okay, I got pray that some nerves don't get heated away 'cause I want to be smart enough to get through A levels, what more with the lack of studying.
:/
But ya know, they say if you constantly eat below 12oo kcal/day your body will sense that you're in starvation mode and will burn muscles instead of fats!
GOD, No!
I need my muscles.
Thank you very much.
Burn them all away after my nats (if I decide not to pursue a future in canoeing, that is)
Ya, I was traumatized with the thought that I was getting weaker by the day.
Yeapps! hahahahah!
OKAY! SO LET'S TEST THE STRENGTH AND RECOVERY LEVEL TOMORROW AT TRAINING!
WHoooooooosh!
Let's keep in mind:
Team goal: TOP 3/4/5
& I really want my own medal.
FOR ALL THE TIME I SACRIFICED.
I'm this fierce.
Only when you really want it, will you get it.
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