Take a Deep Breath.

& here I go.
I am ready to stride forward onto my journey towards Nationals 2010.
How much am I prepared to give?
My all.

I want no regrets.
And I want to record every minute details that happened in this last 4 months, or rather 3 plus months.
Time flies really quickly.

& I haven't been recording every single little things as I should, but I will from now on.
Since the camp, I've been giving in my best (which varies due to many factors) when I trained at Kallang.

I really love being at Kallang.
It's just so different from MacRitchie.
It may be the different programs, but I feel that it may be due to the fact that there was a relatively good start - the camp, which all of us was mentally prepared for the toughness.
So there was minimal slacking within the girls.
To say the least, I'm really proud of them.

Many of us have injuries, but do persevere on.
& Georgi is really getting stronger!
I'm so glad for her!
It's so exhilarating when you put your heart to train and results show!

I want to get stronger.
Yosef said I'm strong, but I should be the strongest in the team.
So I shall strive for that and because I know that I can be stronger than present.
& I need to be stronger than present.

Mental note: Don't limit yourself to the coaches' program. Learn from Rachel.
Sometimes, I'm really in awe how Rachel can be so self-motivated to do so much more than us.
Though of course she knows that she stronger than us but she does not stop there.
She still push herself.
:D

So, TOH JIA LE, let's do EXTRAS k?
(:

And I need to get a better stamina.
Sigh, I've been procrastinating since forever.
But recently, I finally got a slight glimpse of my old love for running back.
I know deep down that my weakest point is stamina, so I should work on it ya?
:D
I MUST.
Gogogogogogogo!
For this to work I must really start being darn driven and determined else my lazy ass will just not move!


Hahha, summary since camp:
Was on a t1 for very very very long.
There was a period filled with self-doubts till I finally got enlightened by Chuinyin that I might be competing in T1-500m.
And, yes, just before promos, Haoxia told Yix and I that we'll be representing the team in that event.

Since promos, things changed.
We became one team with the guys, under Markcus, Kaiwen, Fiona & Yosef.

Markcus:
When Yix and I were on a T1, we always felt that he don't really care about us.
Hahahahahah!
But he's really nice to the girls as compared to the guys!
:D

I like training under him, 'cause he pushes us all.
What more with the guys for us to pace (or rather maintain the gap).

KaiWen & Fiona:
Love it that they're being so involved in our training than before!
But Fiona is fierce on water!
Hahahahah!
Not that it's bad, but I think the girls all fear her more than any other coaches :D

Yosef:
He just a nice guy who encourages us to do the right things.
:D

BUT I MISS HX LEYYYYYYY!
Can't say I prefer training under who, 'cause it's like, it's different!
Who knows what Haoxia would be doing to us if he had stayed on!
:D

Yeapps, and then suddenly I got put on the k1, which really astounded me.
As in, of course I'm happy, isn't that a goal for T1s hur.
But I didn't wish for it as keenly already, 'cause I have really started to developed an attachment to T1.
AND I ALREADY HAVE MY OWN BOAT.
MY WHITE SEAT.
Should have named it xiaobai, sounds so cute.
Hahahah!

Then the next day, another surprise came, k2 with Sandy.
To be frank, I think it's my own doing la, though I didn't know at first.
I casually chatted with Kaiwen during dinner and told her what Sandy told me, like she felt that she's not pushing herself as she keep having to do k1 hence cannot join team to do race sets.
So I guess, she took it in and put the both of us on k2.
LOL!

It started out okay.
Then it went downhill.
Felt that Sandy didn't trust me enough (on stability) and I couldn't bring myself to reassure her 'cause I didn't have enough confidence.

Then on the 2nd/3rd time, really could sense the frustration in Sandy which made me darn panicky.
):
Then I started to feel real dejected and really hate the feeling of having a partner.
Like got very very pressurized, 'cause it's like my every movement will cause a direct impact on her.
On top of that, I've never been on a crew boat.
It just scares the shit out of me k!
So I really wanted to get back onto a t1/k1!
LOL!

Hahaha, but oh wells, it's all events of yesterdays!
:D
Currently, I think the two of us are like adjusting fine.
And truth to be told I prefer k2 to t1.
(:

(Let me whisper an apology to Yix first...)

Sigh, but I think this is good for Yix and I ley.
Last time we two just keep pacing each other, and really compete with each other till one of us die.
So the frequency just keep increasing and increasing which is so not healthy on my (or rather, our biceps) and technique!
So it's good that one of us is out of the picture so both of us can train without being affected.

I remember there was a period I used to ask myself do i judge my day's performance on how hard I pushed or how much I overtook YiXian and vice versa.
It's like, my good day will naturally imply that she had a bad day and so on.
So it sucks, no?

& I guess I was still affected by the fateful Friday (the last time trail we had) when I cried while I paddled.
That was a darn bad and pathetic feeling can!
Like being cheated by the coaches, though they didn't.
But I really felt like I have no more strength to carry on but nothing seems to be going well.
Sniffling and swallowing your tears while trying your best to shave the few seconds off.

But again, it's hard to judge against timing 'cause the water condition & general fatigue level of the team is always so different.
Sigh, like now, we still compete between boat types.

That's why now I like it in the k2.
'Cause it's always Sandy controlling the pace.
& I just pull as hard as I can.
(Damn, I make myself sound like an idiot who just keep exerting force.)
But ya, crew boat is good cause we all learn from each others' mistakes!

Like when I'm supposed to nag Sandy, I will take note of her errors!
:D
Hahhaa!

Yeapps, but ah well, I suddenly reached mental block.
o.O
Let's move on to something random!

Had food poisoning on...MY BIRTHDAY.
Puke on the bus, with a plastic in hand 'cause Pat and I went shopping.
I think I puked the cake my team gave me, lunch, yogurt ice cream, and the weird mango thingy out.
EVERYTHING EATEN FROM 12-8PM.

Then I just went home to rest.
& had two more rounds of the have-to-puke-but-nothing-is-left-so-your-stomach-just-clench-and-clench-till-you-are-left-gasping-for-air-and-finally-a-few-drops-oozes-out puke from 9pm to 1am.
And that promptly started my high fever with my whole family sleeping and nobody caring.
LOL!

Then, woke at 5am.
(Oh well, the body is attuned to it already!)
Felt super sapped off energy and keep thinking whether or not to go for training 'cause it was supposed to be a hiong day and I want to chiong like shit before breaking for 2 days.
In the end I decided not to go 'cause I felt damn bad.

Fever for damn looooooooong, like one day without eating at all.
Attempted to and diarrhea.
TILL CHRISTMAS.
& LO AND BEHOLD I'M LIGHTER THAN 2KG HAHAHA!
WHO WANT TO HAVE FOOD POISONING NOW?!
ALL THE VAIN GIRLS IN THE WORLD.
Hahahahaha!

Guess what's the scary thought in my head during all these?
PRAYING THAT MU MUSCLES WON'T GET BURN AWAY.
I'm such a freak.
Okay, I got pray that some nerves don't get heated away 'cause I want to be smart enough to get through A levels, what more with the lack of studying.
:/
But ya know, they say if you constantly eat below 12oo kcal/day your body will sense that you're in starvation mode and will burn muscles instead of fats!
GOD, No!

I need my muscles.
Thank you very much.
Burn them all away after my nats (if I decide not to pursue a future in canoeing, that is)
Ya, I was traumatized with the thought that I was getting weaker by the day.
Yeapps! hahahahah!


OKAY! SO LET'S TEST THE STRENGTH AND RECOVERY LEVEL TOMORROW AT TRAINING!
WHoooooooosh!


Let's keep in mind:

Team goal: TOP 3/4/5
& I really want my own medal.

FOR ALL THE TIME I SACRIFICED.

I'm this fierce.
Only when you really want it, will you get it.